Dishonored.

FINALLY, AN ASSASSIN GAME WHICH DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CREED!!! BUT IS IT ANY GOOD?

Assassins Creed had hardcore sex with Thief and we get this sort of game. Bethesda have incorporated the logic that you start as a prisoner again after apparently killing the Queen even though it was some kind of assassin ballbags hired by some guy who calls himself the Spymaster. As soon as the game launched, I kind of guessed he was the big penis who I would have to kill in the end.

Your name is Corvo and you have to get this girl called Emily so she can become the new Queen after her mother was killed off but for some reason you save her by the third mission, leaving six missions of you messing around with the Spymaster or Lord Regent Burrow as he calls himself now because he is suddenly full of self righteous bullshit and believes he is better for the throne than anyone else. Oh, and he has claimed himself as a lord because that makes everything better.

Badass picture but the game....

The premise of Dishonored probably made Thief fans jizz in there underwear but to anyone else, this felt like something new but sadly the environment might as well have been copy and pasted from the first two Thief games and Bethesda just introduced a cool teleportation power which I must admit, gives you the edge on assassination kills and makes the drop kills quite a dream to look at in first person but other stuff that you do just seems like a choir or even a massive ball ache because have of the game layered with side quests which feel like they don't belong there or belong in a separate game. Looking at you Skyrim and E.S.O.

I couldn't really be bothered getting any other powers after the teleport power because all of the others would just make the game to easy and why would I want to make a game that is quite easy even easier unless I tried to pull it by offering it a few beers at a local bar. Problems arose quite quickly in this game such as environment because once you get teleport (it isn't called that but I could never be arsed to remember the powers names) you don't need to free-run anywhere because you could just teleport there and middle finger the enemies as you drop down and knife the poor bastard in the head.

While it is a Bethesda game, do not expect any free roam possiblities in the sense that you can fast travel to the nearest marker but instead the company has given us such big maps that there are free roam. Because. Logic. So there is no free roam in a linear based which is a massive level designed game, which gave us free roam.

Graphically though, I might as well had played Ultimate Spider-Man on PS2 because that is how the graphics appeared. Comic-like and although I like that kind of graphic design it is developed mainly for a comic book related game and sadly, this is not a comic book related game, it is a assassin game which I thought was actually quite okay.

You sir, have a nice arse....

The PC version has the advantage over the console version by that it doesn't require you to pause the game so as change from gun to crossbow and the equip the correct bows to said crossbow to make sure everything goes to plan. With the PC, everything is in a bar at the bottom of the screen so you can equip everything that you want before a mission starts, making the game waste less time scrolling through the pause menu to assign the correct stuff before your arse gets penetrated by 100 guards firing bullets at you or trying to hack of your head with a rusty cleaver.

The game itself gives you full customization of the weapons and powers you want to assign and while the premise and idea is good, once you get so much weaponary and a load of powers, it leaves you with a difficult choice as to what you want to walk into a mission with and hoping that you picked the right stuff for that mission. 

Chaos levels have been implied into the game to show how much of a bastard you can be or how angelic you can be during a mission and lucky it helps a lot because the next mission could have a load of rats and guards on your tail or it could no rats and minimal amount of guards depending on how bad or good you are through out the previous missions and really help out during the final mission as every guard has a twitchy arse in case you decide to show you lovely face and slit there throats.

And don't get me started on the side missions because most of them are asking you hack some twat while poisoning some elixir to help cure the plague that the rats are carrying because they are plague inflicted little sods who want to eat anything with a bit of flesh on them so they can cause the perfect distraction for you as you can pick up dead bodies and throw them around to the rats to have for dinner.

OVERALL  6.5 /10

Okay game but also very short and so clustered with stuff and side missions that when you eventually get back to the main plot you kind of just give up to go and watch a bit of porn and have some actual fun.